ah, going to america

well, as previously stated, i like to wait to comment on things until after they happen.
man, america was nice. getting there was a bit of a chore. first of all, no matter which way you slice it, a 13 hour plane ride is not going to be fun. at all. now add to that a flight attendant who, with almost deadshot accuracy, manages to hit the arm of my chair every time she wheels her cart down the aisle AND a child of 5 or so sitting in right next to me. now, i know what you're going to say, you're going to say, " luke, there's nothing inherently wrong with 5 year old!"
screw that! there's something inherently wrong with you for saying that!
i work with kids in that age group all day, 5 days a week. this was like a 13 hour test of faith before i got to start my vacation. what, i want to deal with one for 13 hours straight? and that shit-eating "don't kids do the darnedest things?" his mother kept giving me; argh. anywho, the crux of the problem was that being a young child and having little to no control over his movements and, apparently, no conception of personal space- the boy managed to kick, nudge, or hit me every time i started to nod off to sleep while he thrashed around in own fitful (spitefully, thankfully) sleep. for the way he was jerking around, i hope that in his dreams sharks grew legs and arms with scissor-hands and a taste for 5 year olds. i hope they chased him to the beach while he was swimming, waited until he started to feel safe after making it to shore, and then calmly, slowly, and purposefully stepped out of the ocean gnashing their teeth and snipping the air with their rusty scissors. while some of you may be disgusted that i would wish this dream upon some little kid, please remember, i'm very selfish. and vindictive. and passive aggressive.
kicking, kicking, kicking for 13 hours. at one point early on when it became clear that the shit-eating grin aimed at me was going to be the only form of parenting offered by the mother, i caught the kids attention, looked him straight in the eye, and told him that, seriously, he had to stop touching me. now, i know he couldn't understand me, but when some big guy that you've been idly kicking says something to you with murder in his eyes and in a language you can't understand- maybe you better take heed. another time i asked the flight attendant with the battering ram cart if there was any other place to sit (there wasn't).
so that was my flight home, well that and watching speed racer (i'll give anything with christina ricci a try, plus i was in a plane unable to sleep). i'm not going to say anything about the plot, or characters, or actors, or whatever else i bitch about movies for- i'm just going to say that it was one of the most visually confusing movies i have ever seen. like what real life would look like if god were really big into comic books. i say see it just for that.
tomorrow: iowa!

well, it was bound to happen: facebook

to those of you who followed the link on my (brand spanking new) facebook page here: congrats! as you can see, i've been somewhat...lazy in posting recently. this is due to my tendency to wait until things are over and done with to comment on them. in this case: vacation. argh, i can taste it! it permeates every moment- inviting, taunting, dragging its feet. it is so close! 3 weeks! and i feel bad for my coworkers and especially for students. after all, if i start being a dick in the office, the teachers can just tell me to fuck off. but the students, oh those poor bastards-- they have no recourse. it's already happening, too. i'm not yelling yet, but i've turned the "jackass" meter up to 6 or 7... it goes all the way to 11 for when i that extra burst to really emotionally tear down someone's self-esteem. it will only get worse, their only hope is that i get burned out on being burned out.

let's see, what else is new? oh yeah! it is hot here, humid too. like i have started to keep extra deodorant at school kind of hot. like i should start bringing my school clothes in a separate bag kind of hot... though to be fair my school clothes are basically my normal clothes (one of my students said i dressed like her dad before he went to bed, that's right: my casual wear is the equivalent to korean pajamas).

i did spend part of my weekend in busan at the beach in spite of the heat. I spent most of my time in the shade reading al gore's the assault on reason . since i don't respond well to heat and humidity very well on an emotional level, this book was really fanning the flames of my discontent with america right now. one of my friends was saying that she was really just learning about the atomic bombings in Hiroshima and Nagasaki, and it was getting her quite upset with the us. i almost don't want to bring this book to her attention for fear completely turning her off to america... not to equate bush with nuclear strikes. except for i kinda did.

i got my eyes lasic'd! i don't need glasses anymore, at least not until my eye start to go bad again. since everyone has been asking me if it hurts, let me say this: it kind of feels like you let some dude put you in a chair, stick a metal circle inside of your eyelid, slice off the top of you eye with something that looks like a plastic triangle, shoot lasers into your eyes for thirty seconds, put the top of your eye back on, and then ask you to put eye drops in it for the next 2 weeks. actually it feel exactly like, but without any real pain; it's just... uncomfortable.

i am freaking out right now

I AM FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW! it is raining quite hard in seoul. it is the evening. it is hot and humid. because it is raining, i have not left my apartment much today as i don't like being rained on. did i mention that i am freaking out? i opened the door to my barred, six foot long, one foot wide balcony to enjoy the a bit of fresh air, maybe see the outside world... and i did. and it was looking back at me. and i am freaking out. i don't even know how to describe it. it looked like two long curved wires were sticking out from the side of the building. i had never seen wire there before. they were antennae. they as long as my fingers. i freaked out. i slid the door shut. stood there for awhile. decided i must be wrong. bugs don't get that big. not big enough to have 4 inch antennae. i slid the door open a little. i kept my face very close to the door so my head wouldn't block the light. they twitched. at me. jebus christonacrunch theytwitchedatme...urg...guh...gak... i slammed the door shut. this happened 30 minutes ago. i have been looking at the door every five minutes and shivering. i am not going to be able to go to sleep tonight. i am going to be thinking all night about what was on the other side of that wall- can it open doors? is that shadow moving? what sound does a giant, mutant roach from outer space make as it comes to lay eggs inside your brain? i am freaking out. i mean, really, everybody's seen it- that first guy who gets killed because he doesn't realize the dude lurching towards him is a zombie. that person who just knows there's no such things as werewolves, and that howl was probably just some dog. that the lights going out during the night is just bad luck and not the work of some masked guy who has a grudge against underage drinking and promiscuous teenagers. they all end up dead. why can't they just admit something freaky is happening? why do people have to wait for it to happen a few times before they decide that they should be careful. there is no way i am going to be the first person to die in the great evil bug rebellion of '08. i am going to sit back, lock the door, and go to bed tonight with a frying pan and the biggest phonebook i can find. and tomorrow, i'm going to check the news for reports of crazy bug deaths before i go out. yes, i am freaking out--- but i'm not the one the audience will throw popcorn at the screen at because i "went in there"