ah, going to america

well, as previously stated, i like to wait to comment on things until after they happen.
man, america was nice. getting there was a bit of a chore. first of all, no matter which way you slice it, a 13 hour plane ride is not going to be fun. at all. now add to that a flight attendant who, with almost deadshot accuracy, manages to hit the arm of my chair every time she wheels her cart down the aisle AND a child of 5 or so sitting in right next to me. now, i know what you're going to say, you're going to say, " luke, there's nothing inherently wrong with 5 year old!"
screw that! there's something inherently wrong with you for saying that!
i work with kids in that age group all day, 5 days a week. this was like a 13 hour test of faith before i got to start my vacation. what, i want to deal with one for 13 hours straight? and that shit-eating "don't kids do the darnedest things?" his mother kept giving me; argh. anywho, the crux of the problem was that being a young child and having little to no control over his movements and, apparently, no conception of personal space- the boy managed to kick, nudge, or hit me every time i started to nod off to sleep while he thrashed around in own fitful (spitefully, thankfully) sleep. for the way he was jerking around, i hope that in his dreams sharks grew legs and arms with scissor-hands and a taste for 5 year olds. i hope they chased him to the beach while he was swimming, waited until he started to feel safe after making it to shore, and then calmly, slowly, and purposefully stepped out of the ocean gnashing their teeth and snipping the air with their rusty scissors. while some of you may be disgusted that i would wish this dream upon some little kid, please remember, i'm very selfish. and vindictive. and passive aggressive.
kicking, kicking, kicking for 13 hours. at one point early on when it became clear that the shit-eating grin aimed at me was going to be the only form of parenting offered by the mother, i caught the kids attention, looked him straight in the eye, and told him that, seriously, he had to stop touching me. now, i know he couldn't understand me, but when some big guy that you've been idly kicking says something to you with murder in his eyes and in a language you can't understand- maybe you better take heed. another time i asked the flight attendant with the battering ram cart if there was any other place to sit (there wasn't).
so that was my flight home, well that and watching speed racer (i'll give anything with christina ricci a try, plus i was in a plane unable to sleep). i'm not going to say anything about the plot, or characters, or actors, or whatever else i bitch about movies for- i'm just going to say that it was one of the most visually confusing movies i have ever seen. like what real life would look like if god were really big into comic books. i say see it just for that.
tomorrow: iowa!

well, it was bound to happen: facebook

to those of you who followed the link on my (brand spanking new) facebook page here: congrats! as you can see, i've been somewhat...lazy in posting recently. this is due to my tendency to wait until things are over and done with to comment on them. in this case: vacation. argh, i can taste it! it permeates every moment- inviting, taunting, dragging its feet. it is so close! 3 weeks! and i feel bad for my coworkers and especially for students. after all, if i start being a dick in the office, the teachers can just tell me to fuck off. but the students, oh those poor bastards-- they have no recourse. it's already happening, too. i'm not yelling yet, but i've turned the "jackass" meter up to 6 or 7... it goes all the way to 11 for when i that extra burst to really emotionally tear down someone's self-esteem. it will only get worse, their only hope is that i get burned out on being burned out.

let's see, what else is new? oh yeah! it is hot here, humid too. like i have started to keep extra deodorant at school kind of hot. like i should start bringing my school clothes in a separate bag kind of hot... though to be fair my school clothes are basically my normal clothes (one of my students said i dressed like her dad before he went to bed, that's right: my casual wear is the equivalent to korean pajamas).

i did spend part of my weekend in busan at the beach in spite of the heat. I spent most of my time in the shade reading al gore's the assault on reason . since i don't respond well to heat and humidity very well on an emotional level, this book was really fanning the flames of my discontent with america right now. one of my friends was saying that she was really just learning about the atomic bombings in Hiroshima and Nagasaki, and it was getting her quite upset with the us. i almost don't want to bring this book to her attention for fear completely turning her off to america... not to equate bush with nuclear strikes. except for i kinda did.

i got my eyes lasic'd! i don't need glasses anymore, at least not until my eye start to go bad again. since everyone has been asking me if it hurts, let me say this: it kind of feels like you let some dude put you in a chair, stick a metal circle inside of your eyelid, slice off the top of you eye with something that looks like a plastic triangle, shoot lasers into your eyes for thirty seconds, put the top of your eye back on, and then ask you to put eye drops in it for the next 2 weeks. actually it feel exactly like, but without any real pain; it's just... uncomfortable.

i am freaking out right now

I AM FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW! it is raining quite hard in seoul. it is the evening. it is hot and humid. because it is raining, i have not left my apartment much today as i don't like being rained on. did i mention that i am freaking out? i opened the door to my barred, six foot long, one foot wide balcony to enjoy the a bit of fresh air, maybe see the outside world... and i did. and it was looking back at me. and i am freaking out. i don't even know how to describe it. it looked like two long curved wires were sticking out from the side of the building. i had never seen wire there before. they were antennae. they as long as my fingers. i freaked out. i slid the door shut. stood there for awhile. decided i must be wrong. bugs don't get that big. not big enough to have 4 inch antennae. i slid the door open a little. i kept my face very close to the door so my head wouldn't block the light. they twitched. at me. jebus christonacrunch theytwitchedatme...urg...guh...gak... i slammed the door shut. this happened 30 minutes ago. i have been looking at the door every five minutes and shivering. i am not going to be able to go to sleep tonight. i am going to be thinking all night about what was on the other side of that wall- can it open doors? is that shadow moving? what sound does a giant, mutant roach from outer space make as it comes to lay eggs inside your brain? i am freaking out. i mean, really, everybody's seen it- that first guy who gets killed because he doesn't realize the dude lurching towards him is a zombie. that person who just knows there's no such things as werewolves, and that howl was probably just some dog. that the lights going out during the night is just bad luck and not the work of some masked guy who has a grudge against underage drinking and promiscuous teenagers. they all end up dead. why can't they just admit something freaky is happening? why do people have to wait for it to happen a few times before they decide that they should be careful. there is no way i am going to be the first person to die in the great evil bug rebellion of '08. i am going to sit back, lock the door, and go to bed tonight with a frying pan and the biggest phonebook i can find. and tomorrow, i'm going to check the news for reports of crazy bug deaths before i go out. yes, i am freaking out--- but i'm not the one the audience will throw popcorn at the screen at because i "went in there"

Uneventful June

with the exception of a particularly long, drawn out week last week, june was fairly uneventful. i did see m. night shamaylan's "the happening"... man... just man...
i mean i was right on the edge:
6th sense: ++
unbreakable:+
signs:+/-
the village:-
lady in the water:--

as you can see from my matter o' fact chart there, shamaylan had, despite a great outset, had broken even. this was the tie-breaker. is he good, but in a rut? is he a lucky hack? what a tie-breaker it was, too! no more, mr. director! no more, please! i'm done with his movies. my god! this was another in a long line of movies these past two years to have "anti" sub-text, for lack of a better term, it had super-text. yes, i am an english major snob who thinks he knows everything about characterization and story telling mechanics, but it's not like i have anything against exposition, as such. it's a really useful tool that lets the reader or viewer in on the rules of the game. ...still, there are ways to do it without actually seeming like you're doing it. showing and not telling, for example works wonderfully in books. now i realize movies are designed for showing so maybe that device gets over used. well, that's where subtext comes in; a verbal kind of showing. the character says something, he might even believe it, but the reader or viewer (from their vantage point) sees this really says something else about the character. subtext at its best can show a divergence between the author and the narrator. so:

a show character will in some non-verbal way convey that he is angry
an expository character will say "i am angry"
a subtext character will say "gee, those there flowers sure are nice" (randomly) and the viewer knows he's angry because they read between the lines

so that brings us to "the happening" (and "the brave one" "d-war" "revenge of the sith" to name a few others) where the characters make comments that are supposed to be subtextual and deep... but they're not (the characters or the comments). they, at best, just tell us what is happening in a shallow way. but with these films, it's more than that- either the actors, writers, or directors were unwilling or unable to reach that core emotion and are trying to imply that they have (think padmae's "you're breaking my heart!"). thus supertext: when a character that should be angry, though very clearly is not, states either explicitly or implicitly that he is angry though, once again, he clearly is not. this movie was chalk full of that.
so, let me very clearly state that "i will never be suckered into seeing one of shamaylan's movies again", as well as "the ribbed crow flies north by northeast" as i shake my fist to the heavens to the backdrop of thunder and lightning.... can't be more clear than that.

let's answer the questions this picture conjures up in order
1) oh yeah, that's a handlebar
2) yup, that's a hooters' t-shirt
3) those aren't korean prostitutes, just some girls from work dressed up as adjumas
4) adjumas are mean old korean ladies
5) oh yes, there is a hooters in korea, 2 in fact, and they seem to be the only place to get a dill pickle in the whole country

ok, so these girls from work tell me about a 'bad taste' party they are having on saturday. i realize i can be kind of a hermit sometimes so i say sure, i'll go. that's when the idea hit me for shaving like that, plus it's starting to get hot here. and what a bad taste party it was, i even got to see a very pregnant woman drink beer all night. now i thought shaving was showing commitment to the party, but she took it to the next level...



let's call this one "just about to realize that it's 5 in the morning" yup, right after that i booked it for home. i was shocked to see the sky was already starting to lighten. ugh. fortunately my 5 korean words were just enough to get the cabbie to take me to the 7-11 right by my house.

several years ago i saw a wonderful movie called battle royale. i strongly recommend it. it's basically a japanese lord of the flies meets stephen king's the long walk (both of which i also highly recommend). set in an alternate present, the japanese government randomly selects a ninth grade class and puts them on an 10 sq km island. the children are told by their former 7th grade teacher that they have to fight til one remains by the end of the 3rd day or they all die as their collars will explode. each child is given food, water, a map, and a weapon (random from uzis and shotguns down to pot lids and a paper fan (though the kid with the paper fan quickly upgrades)). of course the kids go ape-shit on each other. despite some peacenicks and conscientious objectors, it turns into a splatter fest. all in all, a tremendous movie.

i bring this up because i recently downloaded it to watch again to see how it held up. you know: some movies get better after a few years, some movies lose their sparkle. i remember watching it the first time and being deeply involved with the teenage characters, wondering who got what they deserved or who got the short end of the stick. the second time around was just as good, but the strange thing was i felt a switch in my sympathies toward the evil teacher. good lord, if i had kids like that i'd ship them off to an island too! as i was watching it there was some serious whatyacallit- some kind of displaced rage violence fantasy going on. sad to say, the teacher didn't win...sigh for that poor misunderstood bastard. probably due to my job, this time when i watched the movie, i didn't notice the mistakes the kids made, i noticed the mistakes the teacher made.
one last thing,:



so i guess freud moonlighted as an architect in seoul...and how!

i don't even know what to write this time

so i guess it's going to be some random thoughts.
1)i have, i'm sorry to say, no idea of how good my father is at his job. i mean, he never seemed to have trouble staying where he wanted or moving to a new hospital if he wanted that too. like with matoon, we only spent a year there and he didn't seem to have a problem getting us out. so there's something to be said for that. i have never been under his medical care, and even if i had, i haven't been to enough doctors to be able to make a comparison.
i bring this up because i have grown to HATE going to the dentist this last few years. i had two bad dentists in a row in lawrence and then in mt. pleasant. poor chair side manners, long, drawn out visits, and very -very!- stingy with the novocain. with my recent tooth troubles i went to the dentist that is the father of one of the students in my school. like my father, he is a alum of the university of michigan. he knows english well enough to have a sense of humor, he has nifty gadgets to explain what he'll be doing, and bet of all: no pain. i've been in for two of five visits for a root canal, and the only pain was from that first needle. the second visit only took 10 minutes! so my thought process is that if UM produced this guy and my father- i hope my father is as far beyond other surgeons as this guy is beyond other dentists.
2)i wouldn't even be writing this if it weren't for the fact that i am in the middle of a 4 day weekend (kid's day). i'm basically using this as an outlet for my boredom. i'm going to put it in writing so i do it: today i will have to pick up my apartment; it's starting to get a little rank.
3)also, today and tomorrow, i'm kinda looking forward to going to the gym during the day to see what it's like- though i do have so reservations as if i can time the end of my work out to coincide with the start of the yoga class, which just happens to be right in front of the treadmills and is usually filled with hot moms trying to stay hot, i find enough inspiration for another 20 minutes of working out- everybody wins.
4) a haunted house made for easter instead of halloween would be fun to make.

thank god for greedy criminals

everyone brings shit to the table. they can bring a lot of other things, laughter, honesty, fun, friendship, but everyone also brings shit to the table. for friends, family, and lovers, you put up with it because, well, you love them, and their shit is a small price to pay for their company. besides, they put up with the shit you brought to the table. however, there comes a time when you are tired or angry or stressed, and you just can't take the shit being on your table anymore- that's when problems start to manifest.
i bring all this up because, apparently, my mouth is a biological example of the above theory. imagine a dentist's office. look around until you see one of those comically big models of a molar. look at the crown, like an ivory tarp suspended and pressed down in the middle to create an enamel landscape. imagine cusping the edge and rolling the side the twin tails that are the roots. but wait: while the first root is fine- a long white tendril... the other curiously ends about halfway down in a malformed stub. now, normally, this is not a problem- presumably, my body has taken the shit that this particular moral brings to the table for 17-19 years, but last night things changed.
we all know about dental pain, so i won't waste time describing it. it was enough to get me to go to the dentist today (who was kind enough to show me an xray of my quasimodo molar). the problem, he said, was that while the protective tooth covering ended, the nerve ending formed exactly the way they were supposed to- which is to say, they are exposed. this is not a problem most of the time. then he asked me if i'd been getting enough sleep or was under stress. sigh, i've been complaining to my coworkers for 2 weeks now that my sleep schedule is screwed up now that spring has sprung (nothing new there- i just sleep less and less as the days get long), and of course there is the stress of dealing with children (socially acceptable sociopaths that they are), and of course, the emotional drain of being the 'other'.
"that's it!!!" said my mouth, "i can't take this shit any more!!! just who do you think you are having an exposed root in this jawline?" so after however many years of having this tooth, i guess enough was enough- still it sucks that intellectual and emotional overloading caused a toothache so bad i could only get a few hours of sleep.
tonight: loads of advil.
stress reduction took a severe hit when i got a call from the bank saying asking to verify some charges. $650 to some computer software company and $1.50 to red cross or something. sigh again, looks like my check card info is out there somewhere. thank god they were greedy enough to put a huge debit on an account that i almost never use. the bank reversed the charges and is going to cancel the card. suck on that fraud mongers!!! plus, while i don't give to the red cross, it seems that passing along .23% of your stolen money isn't exactly an inspirational act of charity. oh well, thankfully he tried for the whole enchilada instead of trying to milk me dry.

hmm

well let's get the embarrassing stuff out of the way first: actually there's only one thing and i don't even know why i'm embarrassed about it. last week i washed my clothes and hung them out to dry. i guess i took down a shirt too soon and it was a little damp. later when i pulled it out it had little flecks of mold on it... fairly disgusting. i, of course, threw it out, but still, it makes me wonder how much mold is floating around my apartment. also embarrassing: i started buying fisher party mix from my grocery store because it is the only way to get pretzels in this country. alas it also has cheetos, these super dry pieces of rye bread and some sort of multigrain bread thingies. now i'm not a fan of the last two, but cheetos have never really struck a chord with me either. i like the taste but never really liked how they got my hand all crusty yellow. so here comes the embarrassing part. if you could somehow look into my room right now, you might see me watching tv while i thoughtfully pick out pretzels and cheetos from a can with chopsticks. talk about bastardizing the culture...
to change gears completely: yesterday i bought a microwave. i don't really cook for myself anymore, but i've been having a hankering for popcorn. so i bought an 89,000W microwave to make popcorn. ah well, i figure it'll even out. anyway i got it at a store right by where i work at around rush hour. having bought it, and looking out on to the gridlocked street, i realized that the 2,000W cab ride to my place would take 30 minutes and cost well over 10,000W, i decided to walk. the box itself was only about 40 lbs, 50 at most, but it was fairly large and not easy to carry. the surface area had to be more than the trunk of my body and basically doubled the amount of room i took up walking down the street (it was for this reason that i decided not to try the subway). you would be amazed at how many people thought the "get out of my way, foreigner" rule was still in effect. on the street i am usually the most deferential person alive (on the subways, however, i am a mass of unapologetic elbows, knees, hip bumps, and shoulders)... not yesterday, and there's about a mile and half swath of heretofore preoccupied koreans wondering if all americans are such jack-asses to prove it.
needless to say, it was a long trip. although it did lead me to the conclusion that most people have got exercise all wrong. most people either lift really heavy things a lot, or go a long way. yesterday taught me that the best way might be to carry something thing big, awkward, and kinda heavy a medium distance. good lord! i feel like a vindictive baker spent all of last night pressing her rolling pin up and down my body, then letting her friend the butcher got at my muscle with a meat tenderizer.
the worst part was i never seemed to get closer to home. i can't believe how fast my arms started to give out, and you've never seen someone switch positions and hold on a box! it turned out to be a cruel, muscle aching version of one of those zeno paradoxes. you remember from 10 grade math: if you go at a constant speed over a distance, you'll never get to the end of that distance if you keep breaking up the journey into halves: 1/2+1/4+1/8+1/16+1/32+...+1/n almost equals 1 but never quite. now i know you'll say that sigma equation in calculus that adds up infinite sequences tells us that, in fact, equals 1. but when you are carrying a big ass microwave and keep having to stop halfway home because you're arms start getting tired more and more quickly. make it half way home, stop, rest, repeat. zeno would have been proud... until i actually did make it home, then he probably would have said i failed to understand the basic principles of the paradox...tool

i am actually giddy

happy, so happy! today i got my new schedule for the next semester. now the only real reason i resigned with my school was because they promised better hours, better pay, a month off, yada yada yada... but in the back of my head i always kinda expected the worse. but today, i got the new schedule, and it is exactly what it is supposed to be: 9:00 - 4:40 every day. every day. if i could show you the smile i had on my face when i saw it. and i get an hour off every day to prep for the night classes or run errands or actually try drawing again. i haven't had time to make a new sketch this whole last month. it's not all cupcakes and sugar mamas, though, i guess i have to start eating lunch with the kids now... it'll suck to miss out on that crucial 30 minutes of adult time everyday, but i'll live... ya'know, unless i start to choke and the kids aren't strong enough or have long enough arms for the heimlich. ohh, plus no more boring kid for the tutor. of course that means i bought the seeker, the dark is rising for nothing.
plus, all the people i have grown to like at work are leaving for greener pastures, leaving the people i'm at best ambivalent about. ugh, i hope the new group of teachers getting in this weekend rock, at least a little.
what else? um, my self improvement plan need a restart. on monday, i'll have to start playing guitar, sketching, working out, cooking for myself, and learning korean all over again. after all, i only have at least 13 more months here in korea. if i do stay another year, it will definitely have to be out of the city. po-hang, busan, jeju- i hear you calling me... you just have to wait 13 months... of course if i move to anyone those places, i really will have to learn at least a 2nd grader level of korean.
that's about all from this side of the pacific, i'll try to make sure to do more than 2 posts a month from now on
good god! what's that?

suckas

Hey hey hey

hey, i got a new link to show off and some new pictures. i'll be making a real post soon enough, but i am tired of working on the computer right now. besides, i don't want to distract you from my sketches- i know, i know: everybody has friends that can draw better than that with their eyes closed- i do as well. but, i have only just recently begun to be able to draw above a second grade level. now i just have to learn not to be so wobbly with my pencil... oh and become a rich artist... though even talented artists have a hard time doing that...

wow, almost debt free

i think we can safely say at this point that any money i make from here on out--IS MY MONEY! very nice. it's been awhile since i actually got to make my money. oh and no more avoiding bill collectors, tho it would be fun to say "ya know what? you caught me, you send someone to my front door and i'll give them the last of it. ... yup, seoul... korea... no, no, you don't have to fly, i think you can just drive through north korea. yeah, they'll pretend like it's a big deal, but just keep driving."
of course i get out of debt just as the us economy seems to be tanking. perhaps this latest recession will get people to seriously consider a living wage idea. imagine if people actually had enough money for food AND shelter... ya know, without taking loans they can't pay back. oh well. i decided to stay at my company for another year anyway, and while the country's economic fears didn't have anything to do with it, mine certainly did. i...i just don't want to go back to living right below the poverty line. i like being able to buy things i want. i like being able not to worry about what'll happen if i get laid up for a month. in america, i have to work more than 40 hours a week just to be broke. let me repeat that- i can put in a full work week and still owe somebody money.
granted, it's not like i'm making bank over here, and it's not like every month i don't see the 23 and 24 years wishing they hadn't blown through $2,000 in less than 30 days, but they are spending it like it's nothing. just because we make 2,200,000 Won a month doesn't mean we are actually millionaires. thankfully i've been poor enough not to go crazy when i start getting money. of course now that i am living comfortably money wise, i need to find one that let me relax once in awhile. next year, if the economy really does fall flat and this all is the same old fear mongering, luke's looking for a university job outside of seoul- like busan, where the grass is green and the girls are pretty

here we go

well i haven't yet figured out how or where to create an album to link to this page but stay tuned because it'll be coming shortly. anywho, this picture deserves a special mention and needs attention now. that, my friends, is a pity fish. yes, you heard right- a pity fish. ok, adventure korea is a business, i get that. they set up tours and trips, and make their money off of people having a good time. you can't blame them for that. but still... after you've been fishing for 30 minutes or so, they start making their way around to all the gringos, with their local press, with their photographers, and with their cooler full of pity fish. the girl who was my fishing partner and i tried to say no. "no? you don't want a fish?"
"we want to catch a real fish."
"it is a real fish."
"we know, we just want to catch it ourselves."
"ah--don't worry, don't worry, this is for real... someone caught it. here, now smile big and overact. luke, pull it out with power, and you be impressed with his catch. overact. overact."

i said it before and i'll say it again- this kinda dirty just don't wash off. this picture, of course is not the one for the newspaper, but rather from my camera... nope, no overacting there- just pure, unadulterated ambivalence. one of my students said he saw my picture in the paper, and it might be true, but he is kind of a liar... tho i think i would like to have it just for fun. as for the fish itself, we had the option of eating it raw or having it cooked. easy choice right? well when they cooking it they don't bother killing it- they just wrap it in tinfoil and throw it on the grill. it doesn't start flopping around until the heat works its way through the tinfoil which can take kind of a long time... so does the flopping around. we decided our pity fish deserved a better fate than that so we took him to they guy with the big knife. quick and painless- kinda. i figured he'd cut the head off, but he flipped the knife around, tapped it twice on the back of the head, and gutted it. i'm not sure how hard you have to hit a fish to kill it, and to be sure, the guy with the knife has much more experience than me, but still, that didn't seem like enough... and it certainly wasn't any more dignified than the grill.
by the way, raw fish has a much better texture than cooked fish, and a different taste... all in all, ya know, except for the fact it was a pity fish, i liked eating it.

hiatus almost over

this isn't quite a real post but don't worry, i'll put one up shortly...WITH PICTURES!!!! that's right, boys and girls, i bought a camera!!! a canon ixus 70 (in the states it's called the powershot sd1000). as further proof i am my father's son, i went out to buy a piece of equipment without knowing anything about the field in the first place, yet am firmly convinced that it is the best buy i could have made. plus it was $20 less than i thought it was going to be, and i know this will make the parents proud, so i celebrated by going out and having a $30 steak... and a coke. yup saved $20 on something i'll own for years, spent $33 on something that'll be through my system before i go ice fishing... anyone else notice that you only ever seem to pick up your parents' bad habits?